An Artist's Loss

Why me? That's the question that I asked myself over and over again in the first half of 2024. These are few thoughts and excerpts that I wanted to share from what I went through. I am still in the process of learning and growing, isn't life anyways all about that. This is unstructured and probably the only personal blog that I'll have here. 

Loss comes in many forms, some that can be recouped and some that are forever gone. Death, for example, is a good example of the latter. But there are many cases where cessation of self is not the only permanent loss. 

Relationships are like art pieces. And, for each art piece you have an artist but, in this case, there are two. Art is very personal and also influential. Be it Partners, Parents or Friendships; there is an artist in all of us collaborating on various art pieces every day. Each brush stroke from the artists brings the art piece to an intended perfection that both of them aspire together. Perfection, here, may not be constant, and it will not be in most cases. 

The art pieces are meant to never achieve their ideal state but always take one step towards that path. But the aspiration for the ideal is where we find ourselves at loggerheads with each other. Sometime these brush strokes are small and don't have enough influence over the art piece itself. On the other hand, the brush stroke is debilitating, unsustainable and not going to blend in. Both the Artists may try multiple new brush strokes or let the pain(t) dry for a while. But to come back and see such glaring misalignment is what makes it painful to bear that Loss. That's when cessation is inevitable. The art piece is incomplete yet not thrown away - A canvas of memories that exists.

There are few art pieces that I've decided to leave incomplete in first half of 2024. And other few of which were paused for that period. The ones which are permanently incomplete pain you, they sting, they give you a reason to not be your usual self.

The question is how do you get back to working on the ones that are paused. Time is a paradox, it heals, and it may also kill things. Pausing after a few brush strokes might help in providing a new perspective to the painting or it may fade the painting to oblivion. Then, how to make sure to bring it back to life. This is something that I don't have an answer. Try, learn, improve and get better is what I think works. 

Coming to pieces that are left permanently incomplete - We all have these, hanging in the hall of life. You part ways due to myriads of reasons, mainly due to inability to agree/adjust regarding the ideal art piece that could've been concocted at the end. What do you do with all these permanently incomplete art pieces that are hanging? These may never come down, but they are meant to be a canvas of memories. They may cause pain in the short term, but they are meant to have a purpose in leading your life better. That canvas is a mix of learnings, joy, beauty, sadness, grief and finally a compass towards a better life. Learning to understand this is what gives the loss a sense of purpose and meaning that overpowers the melancholy.